I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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