It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
