I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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