Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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