So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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