Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
