Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
