I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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