If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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