do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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