My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My bed smells like the plague
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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