Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
