do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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