The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
