I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
