My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
