I love black thongs
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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