I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
