guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
