worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
