i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
