I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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