the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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