What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
