woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
