Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
