Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
