Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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