One girl and one boy is just not enough.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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