oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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