I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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