I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
