i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize