Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
