Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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