the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
