I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
