i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
