I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
