i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
