Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You smell like stripper and shame
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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