Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
