Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
