Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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