I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
