some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
