I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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