Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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