ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
