So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
