coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
