Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
