I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
