We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize