Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
