You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
