you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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