I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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