my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it hurts more in the daytime
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
