For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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