there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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